Chapter 2: Pirates on the Horizon!

"Pirates on the fartboard bow!"

Those 5 simple words are enough to turn any sailor's blood cold with fear. Captain Jamboree Muldoon, however, was not just any sailor. The moment those dreaded words were bellowed by a sailor high upon the masts that clear afternoon off the coast of Hamburger Island, Muldoon sprung into action, yelling commands to his men and spinning the great wooden helm of the mighty wooden frigate so that he could face the approaching pirate ship head on.

"Captain! If we keep this course, we're sure to collide with these rogues!" warned Muldoon's skipper, a young lad by the name of Finnbar Lerouge, waving his cheeseburger frantically.

"That's precisely what I intend on doing young whippersnapper," replied Muldoon, biting firmly down on his corncob pipe and staring hard at the approaching pirate vessel.

Lerouge froze for a moment as the older captain's words sank in. Collide with the pirate vessel! This was madness!

Muldoon gently took the cheeseburger from Lerouge's hand before continuing.

"A pirate's great weakness is that he only knows how to attack a weak opponent. Defence is an entirely different matter for a pirate," and with that, Muldoon popped young Lerouge's entire cheeseburger into his mouth and began shouting more orders at the sailors nearby. Because he was now giving orders with an entire cheeseburger in his mouth, no one could understand what he was trying to say. More troubling was the fact that he didn't seem to care. He simply continued to bellow unintelligible orders while spraying small pieces of cheeseburger onto his men.

The two ships collided with a great crack and Captain Muldoon was killed instantly by the impact.

All told, 194 men of the Good Ship Finnegan died that day. 14 in battle, the rest from mollusk poisoning. This tragedy happened all because of a single cheeseburger. A wonderful, terrible cheeseburger. And a Captain named Jamboree Muldoon.